Friday, May 20, 2016

my new stink

I had a baby in January! She changed the way I smell in more ways than one, even before she arrived. I had that super-smell power in pregnancy; along with my already keen schnoz and some nasty nauseau this made me weak in the knees in the worst way. The streets of Cambridge have known my vomit. Certain late-summer evening-time plant smells that have always felt a bit scandalous became wretched with their desperate ooze. I remember telling people that I could smell poop through a wall, with the door closed. (I was fun to be around, and I got some of that renowned new-parent poop-talk practice in early.)
Then I gave birth and my sweat changed, during labor and after. It became potent in a way that I associate with too-close quarters and equatorial sun. Stink is one of the ways a baby knows her mother, so perhaps the strength of my stench had a use, but it was strange to be so potent during such a hazy, dreamlike time, as though someone else had snuck into my clothes, my skin, in the night. The strongest of it seems to have faded into what I now consider a 'chicken stock stink,' a kind of brothy underarm smell that I'm not wild about but that doesn't bowl me over. (If I return to this blog in earnest, you can trust it is likely to only get grosser!)
Baby Zo in February, freshly bathed, regards her mother, a bit of a stinkpot 
It is too hard to talk about a new baby's smell, but I will say it is beautiful and strange in ways I did not expect. There is something about her clean milky brand-new puppy breaths that feels too tender to say much about. At one point, she smelled to me like a (gently spiced) graham cracker--the way my own dried drool used to smell on the pillow some mornings, one of the best smells I've ever made now emanating from a new person I helped to make. She smells like a sun-warmed kitten and the cleanest creek, so soft and sparkling and elemental. Mineral and tang. Yogurt pop and cheese puff. Now she is four months old and it is spring.

She goes out walking in the evenings with her father and comes inside with that clean spring smell lifting off her, and it’s enough to knock me to my knees again, the radiance of it, but also a kind of grief that the world can touch her now, and she has to carry it, beautiful and blooming, on her skin.


18 comments:

Ayla Adler said...

"one of the best smells I've ever made now emanating from a new person I helped to make." Elizabeth! And your whole last paragraph; I won't cut and paste it here, but only say it's so moving, how you circle around what is too tender for words, with words. this is love.

xumeiqing said...

20160907meiqing
louis vuitton borse
supra shoes
christian louboutin shoes
hermes belt
ugg boots outlet
adidas superstars
gucci outlet
moncler coats
ugg boots sale
ugg boots
canada goose uk
michael kors outlet
michael kors handbags
tiffany and co jewelry
ralph lauren outlet
air max 2016
ray bans
ray ban sunglasses
uggs on sale
polo ralph lauren
christian louboutin sale
ralph lauren outlet
pandora uk
ugg boots canada
air jordan retro
polo outlet
ugg boots
lebron james shoes
hollister co
true religion jeans
adidas nmd
chaussure louboutin
doudoune moncler
coach factory outlet
ralph lauren outlet
michael kors outlet store
tory burch outlet

fangyaoting said...

fangyanting20161008
louis vuitton outlet
cheap nba jerseys
chrome hearts
bottega veneta outlet
oakley sunglasses
fitflops sale
longchamp handbags
oakley sunglasses
replica watches

chen wish said...

Nike LunarGlide 8 Shoes
Adidas Yeezy 350 boost Shoes
Nike Mercurial Soccer Boots
Lebron James XIII Basketball Shoes

kold_kadavr_ flatliner said...

You can all you wanna for the length and breadth of eternity in Seventh-Heaven, dear. Know why? 1-outta-1 croaks, goirl.

So, lemme fill-you-up withe efficacious epiphany, the avant-gardeness and necessary wisdom to achieve the Great Beyond.

trustNjesus, toots,
and wiseabove to the Elysian Fields.

YOU are sooo #@!!☆ precious, precocious to God, EYE dont you to fall head-to-toe, head-on withe whorizontal and fall, k? We want you to wiseabove, toots. Be like no other in the universe, as God made only you. Dont #@!!☆ it up by your hot, smelly, stanky place in the Abyss o'Misery.

God bless your indelible soul.
Cya soon...

Unknown said...

michael kors
los angeles lakers
louis vuitton outlet stores
oakley sunglasses
herve leger outlet
ugg outlet
louis vuitton outlet
coach outlet
reebok trainers
north face jackets
chanyuan2017.01.14

dong dong23 said...

toms shoes
ralph lauren outlet online
christian louboutin shoes
abercrombie kids
polo outlet
minnesota vikings jerseys
seattle seahawks jerseys
ray ban eyeglasses
michael kors bags
louis vuitton purses
2017.1.19chenlixiang

Gege Dai said...

fitflops outlet
true religion jeans
instyler ionic styler
beats by dr dre
hollister canada
cheap nba jerseys
louis vuitton uk
michael kors factory outlet
ray ban sunglasses
kate spade handbags
20170121lck

raybanoutlet001 said...

michael kors handbags wholesale
yeezy boost 350
oakland raiders jerseys
chicago bulls jersey
cheap jordans
kansas city chiefs jerseys
jordan shoes
michael kors handbags
ray bans
replica watches

chenmeinv0 said...

montblanc pen
prada outlet online
adidas outlet
burberry scarf
hollister outlet
beats by dre
air jordan shoes
fitflops sale
polo ralph lauren outlet
michael kors handbags outlet
hzx20170316

xumeiqing said...

adidas super color
pandora jewelry
timberland boots
hermes handbags
louboutin
michael kors outlet
yeezy boost 350
ray ban sunglasses
adidas uk
michael kors handbags
20170316huazhen

Gege Dai said...

gucci handbags
cheap ray bans
louis vuitton
cheap oakley sunglasses
polo outlet stores
louis vuitton outlet online
pandora jewellery
cheap jordans free shipping
coach outlet
louis vuitton uk
20170402lck

Jelly Gamat QNC said...

The world is changing fast. people are also being transformed. day by day we are becoming more dependant on degital system. you are making me think of this really. You have a great method of sharing your thoughts

Jelly Gamat QnC, Aquatic Essen, Essen Ikan Mas, Umpan Ikan Mas, Jelly Gamat QnC, Umpan Ikan Lele, Ace Maxs, Jelly Gamat QnC, Jelly Gamat QNC.

xumeiqing said...

20170512meiqing
adidas superstar
wholesale nike shoes
chicago bulls jerseys
coach factory outlet
nike shoes for men
coach outlet store online clearances
chi flat iron
adidas shoes
michael kors outlet
louis vuitton outlet

GIL BERT said...

new york knicks
cheap nfl jerseys wholesale
michael kors handbags
michael kors handbags
fitflops sale clearance
valentino shoes
moncler outlet
nike outlet
cheap jordan shoes
reebok shoes

GIL BERT said...

cheap michael kors handbags
nike trainers uk
ugg boots
ugg outlet
new balance outlet
cheap uggs
air jordan 8
san antonio spurs
nike air force 1
ray ban sunglasses outlet

happy 123 said...

yeezy boost 350
light up shoes
kobe basketball shoes
adidas superstar
adidas gazelle
fitflops sale clearance
fitflops
air force 1
hermes belts for men
vibram fivefingers

arief shop said...


Agen Vimax Bandung
Vimax Bandung
Vimax Asli Bandung
Jual Vimax Bandung
Cod Vimax Bandung
Pembesar Penis Bandung
Obat Pembesar Penis Bandung

Hammer Of Thor Bandung
Hammer Of Thor Asli Bandung
Jual Hammer Of Thor Bandung

Titan Gel Bandung
Titan Gel Asli Bandung
Jual Titan Gel Bandung
Cream Titan Gel Bandung

Klg Bandung
Jual Klg Bandung
Klg Asli Bandung
Obat Klg Bandung

Penirum Bandung
Penirum Asli Bandung
Jual Penirum Bandung
Obat Penirum Bandung

Post a Comment